National Foster Care Month

We gathered around the portraits. In the midst of a stormy night, seven adults from five different churches and two children stood, heads bowed and hearts poised toward heaven. The smiling children in the pictures sat on the altar ready to be counted, to be relieved of their burdens and trials. One by one we chose a child and prayed—for salvation, for a brave family willing to count the cost and adopt an orphan—this orphan—lost in a sea of orphans. Those seven faces represented the hundreds of thousands of children in foster care in the U.S.

This prayer vigil was one of many held this month in honor of National Foster Care Month, designed to bring awareness to the many children in the foster care system. Some of them await reunification with their parents while others need a forever family. Let me share a few facts from Cry of the Orphan with you.

• In the U.S., more than 400,000 children are in the foster care system.
• More than 100,000 children in the U.S. are waiting to be adopted.
• An estimated 28,000 each year will “age out” of the system at age 18 without an adoptive family.
• A child waiting to be adopted has been in foster care an average of 37 months.
• A child can wait five years or more to be adopted.
• Adoption from foster care is generally less than $500.

See Cry of the Orphan’s Foster Care Quick Facts here for more facts.
Many wonder how to help outside of adopting or becoming a foster care parent. Lawrence Bergeron in Journey to the Fatherless explains:

From my experience, one of the greatest problems that an adoptive or foster care family can face is isolation and the belief that no one in their local church cares for them or their situation. They often face great challenges when a child comes home with needs they have never faced before, when bills mount, things go wrong, and there is no one to turn to. It is paradoxical (although not surprising) that the families who can least afford financially to adopt often times do. The families that can well afford an adoption most often times do not (Christianson 2007). And yet both families can help each other. In doing so, the church is healthier and the Lord is glorified.

Bergeron continues by emphasizing that these families need a support system surrounding the child and family within the framework of the church.

Join us this month as we continue to pray for the workers, the families, the children, and the church. Click here for the prayer guide written by Cry of the Orphan. It gives direction on how to pray. In addition, ask the Lord how you can practically help a fatherless child today.

Originally posted on Barb's blog In the Midst . . .
 

Watu Wa Mungu. (The People of God)

 

Last fall I listened to a fellow colleague, Pastor Paul Schwarzkopf, share about an experience he had while working for The Peace Corps in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. As a young man his eyes were opened to a poverty that he had previously only read about. After being there for a few weeks he knew he had not seen the poorest of the poor. That all changed one day as his driver pulled up to a work site. Nearby, Paul saw a group that stood out amongst even the poor. There they stood barely clothed in rags. Their bones protruded through their rough skin. Their eyes told the story of weariness and little hope. As Paul looked on he asked his driver, “What do you call those people?” The driver replied, “Watu wa Mungu.” Paul thought to himself, “Watu wa Mungu means the people of God.” Paul took a second look and noticed some other people standing outside of a church building. Thinking his driver misunderstood him he said, “No, not the people by the church,” and pointing his finger said, “Those people.” The driver responded, “Yes, I understand. Those people are called watu wa Mungu.” At this point Paul was confused and asked, “Why are they called the people of God?” The driver replied, “Because only God cares for them.”

Watu wa Mungu. It has a nice ring to it. I, like my friend, would have been quick to point out the people at the church. Those are the people of God. After all, it is those that have received Christ as Savior and are spoken of as Sons of the Living God. Still, it seems that there are those that only God cares for. Who is it that hears the cry of the 143 million orphans in the world? Does anyone really notice the 16,000 children that die daily from hunger-related causes? What about the thousands that will not reach their fifth birthday because they do not have clean drinking water? Does anyone care for the millions of men, women, and children trapped in modern day slavery? Sure there are ministries that reach out, but by and large they go unnoticed in the world I live in. They are watu wa Mungu. Only God cares for them.

They are watu wa Mungu in another sense. They are the people of God not because they have been born again by the Spirit of God but because they are created in the image and likeness of God. The world around us is full of image-bearers of God. We encounter them daily. Some of them we choose not to see. Perhaps not noticing eases our pain and discomfort. Notice them or not, they are there and God sees them and cares for them.

The Scriptures tell us that God has a special affection for the destitute and most vulnerable among us. In Deuteronomy 10:18 we are told, "He executes justice for the orphan and the widow, and shows His love for the alien by giving him food and clothing.” He invites us to follow in His ways as He instructs us to, “Learn to do good; Seek justice, Reprove the ruthless, Defend the orphan, Plead for the widow” (Isaiah 1:17). Later He warns His people in Isaiah 10:1-2:

Woe to those who enact evil statutes

And to those who constantly record unjust decisions,

So as to deprive the needy of justice

And rob the poor of My people of their rights,

So that widows may be their spoil

And that they may plunder the orphans.

What do the most vulnerable among us need? They need the same thing all of us need. They need to hear and respond to the hope of the Gospel. The need to hear that Jesus came to preach good news to the poor and that He came to proclaimed freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed (Luke 4:18). They need to hear the words of John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

While most Christians realize that people need to hear, receive, and experience the good news, sometimes, from our places of comfort, we overlook a particular disadvantage that many of “the least of these” have in hearing the Gospel. Lawrence Bergeron author of Journey to the Fatherless describes the situation. “For many of the vulnerable children around the world are short on love, hope, and dreams. Far from our view, they are short on health, clean water, medical care, and education, but mostly they are short on time. Many of them live an incredibly short life. These children warrant an all out search. They are precious to the Father.”

Bergeron is right. Rather than ignore them, they warrant an all out search. The watu wa Mungu are short on time. Do you see them? Do you hear their cry? Will you answer the call? Jesus said, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation” (Mark 16:15).

Forever Family

Here is a blog by some friends of the ministry, John and Mandy http://www.4everfamily5.blogspot.com/ 

Heart Gallery inspires families to adopt

Day One of “The Orphan Table Diet”

I had cornmeal mush for breakfast and a plate of rice and beans for lunch. It really isn’t all that bad. I am a little hungry since I am not snacking. What makes it more difficult is that today is Halloween, and we have Kid’s Club. I have already been offered treats more than once and I am sure it will continue. So I put a sign in the church kitchen reading, “Please don’t feed the pastor.”

Two thoughts have occurred to me. The first is: This diet would be easier if I didn’t have so many other options. Most orphans don’t have these same choices. Any food looks good when it is all you have. I am not complaining, just observing. My second thought is: With every option before Him, Jesus chose the more humble path. If there was ever a guy that had options, it was Jesus. In Philippians 2:5-7 we are told, “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.”

Jesus could have chosen not to become a man. He could have been born of any family on earth, but was born into a poor family. Although He was God in the flesh, he chose to empty Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant. Ultimately, He chose to lay down His life on the cross.

Lord, give us strength to have the attitude that was in Christ Jesus.

Orphan Size Me

Perhaps you have seen the 2004 film “Super Size Me.” This documentary follows Morgan Spurlock through a 30-day period during which he eats only McDonald’s food in order to expose this lifestyle's drastic effects on his physical and psychological well-being. Peter Travers of Rolling Stone reviewed the film with the words, “I’m lovin’ it.”


We at CARE want to present a challenge we hope will get you to say, “I’m loving them.” From October 31st until Orphan Sunday, November 6th, Pastor Don will stand in solidarity with orphans around the world by eating the same simple meals they eat each day—cornmeal mush and water for breakfast and rice and beans for the other two meals.

We invite you to join Pastor Don his last day. Many people dine out after their worship service. On Orphan Sunday, November 6th, eat the same simple meal of rice and beans that many orphans will eat. Afterward, donate what you would have spent dining out to an adoption/orphan ministry. Of course, we’d love for you to donate to Christian Adoption Resources & Education for Hancock Co., IL, but this is not about us. It’s about caring for orphans. So if you would prefer to give elsewhere, there are several other adoption and orphan ministries listed on our website  http://carehancock.tk/. Drop us a note if you plan to stand with us to “defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. (Psalms 82:3) Let’s all say, “I’m loving them.”

Who will CARE for the next Steve Jobs?

What do the late Steve Jobs and Dave Thomas have in common?

In different ways, both men made substantial contributions to the world.

Both men were also adopted as infants.  Their lives, and perhaps our own, have been touched by the loving response of adoption.

We are pleased to announce the launch of a new ministry called CARE:  Christian Adoption Resources & Education for Hancock County, IL.

CARE is a non-denominational, not-for-profit organization. CARE exists for the purpose of educating potential adoptive parents, foster care parents, and the church in general about adoption and orphan care. Additionally, we will provide scholarships to qualified Christian adoptive parents living in Hancock County, IL. Click here to visit our website for more details on this ministry.

CARE's first event will be in Carthage during Christmas on the Square. Watch for details!

What can you do to help?

• Pray for the ministry
• Volunteer to serve
• Donate start-up funds for advertising and fundraising activities
• Donate toward scholarships through a one-time or monthly contribution
• Spread the word through facebook, email, twitter, and word of mouth

Will the child you support or adopt become the next Steve Jobs?  In most cases, no. But your support will provide a better opportunity for him/her to succeed.  More importantly, it gives God's children what we believe they deserve: Love, Nurture, and a Family they can call their own.

For more information, see our website by  clicking here or contact us at adoptioncare@gmail.com.

Adopted by Diana DePriest

Below is a link to a blog written by a fellow friend and adoptive parent Diana DePriest.

http://dianalovestowrite.blogspot.com/2011/09/adopted.html

Two Waters that Led One Girl to an Earthly Family and a Heavenly Father

My prayers go out to the people of Japan as they face ongoing difficulties stemming from the recent earthquake and subsequent tsunami. Events like these have the ability to bring out the best and worst from people. Occasionally, these types of events are followed by a well-known Christian saying something that is rather ill-timed and really embarrassing about God’s judgment on a particular people. It is not that I don’t believe in the sovereignty of God or His ability to use both good and bad events to speak to us. I believe these things with all my heart. But, what if these events have nothing to do with God's wrath? What if God chooses to work within a fallen world to change and transform the hearts of His people?

My family’s story is of how God used two waters to forever change us. Our story moves from the waters of the 2004 Asian Tsunami to the 2011waters of baptism. Why did this destructive tsunami that left thousands dead and countless children as orphans happen? In the grand scheme of things I don’t have a good answer. These are geological and theological questions beyond my understanding. What I do know is that God has revealed His will in His Word. In Psalms 146:8-10 we are told that “The LORD opens the eyes of the blind; The LORD raises up those who are bowed down; The LORD loves the righteous; The LORD protects the strangers; He supports the fatherless and the widow, But He thwarts the way of the wicked. The LORD will reign forever.” As my wife and I viewed the horrific destruction, God began a work in us. We would soon find out that we were the blind whose eyes needed opening as God fostered His love for orphans into our hearts.

The 2004 movie Hotel Rwanda tells a story of one man’s struggle to save his people from the horrific atrocities that left millions dead in a month’s time. There is a particularly haunting point in the movie when an American news videographer films the events that were taking place. The main character believed if people saw what was going on they would be saved. The videographer’s response was, “If people see this footage, they'll say, 'Oh my God, that's terrible,' and they'll go on eating their dinners.” These words are haunting because for many they hit close to home. As Barb and I watched footage of the Asian Tsunami we could no longer see with our eyes and not be moved in our hearts--for God Himself began to open the eyes of our hearts.

These waters of destruction led my wife and I on a journey. This journey led us to a little girl that needed an earthly family. Three years ago on Easter Sunday morning our daughter Melinda met with us in a hotel lobby in a foreign country. This meeting would be different than the other four times over a two year period when we met with her there. This time we had return airplane tickets for three and legal papers declaring that Melinda was no longer an orphan but our beloved daughter.

Of course we loved Melinda long before she legally became our daughter in much the same way God loved us long before we become His children. The Bible tells us, “He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will” (Ephesians 1:4-5). One of the great joys of being a parent is experiencing the joy of seeing our children adopted into God’s family. Nine months after Melinda came home she woke my wife and I on New Year’s Day with the words, “Daddy, I want to believe of Jesus.” With tears of joy in our eyes we talked and prayed with her.

Last Sunday I had the privilege of baptizing Melinda. As I prepared for the baptism I could not help but think about the journey God has taken us on. I thought it was ironic how God, who had used the crashing waters of a tsunami to speak to us, was using water to speak to us again. The waters of a tsunami and baptism could not be more different. The waters of a tsunami leave death and destruction. The waters of baptism speak of healing and life. The first leaves people divided, separated and abandoned. The second unites us and tells us we belong to each other and God.

Does God speak in the midst of catastrophes? I don’t question if He is speaking to us. I question if we hear Him. My prayer is that God will grant us eyes to see and ears to hear. I praise God that He used two waters to lead one girl to an earthly family and a Heavenly Father.

How Can the Church Help? Part 3: Willing to Change.

This is a continuation of a post I started in September entitled "How Can the Church Help?"

I believe that Michael Monroe is correct in his assertion that the church must do five things in order to become safe places for adoptive families: Become Missional, Become Open and Willing to Learn, Become Honest and Prepared to Get Messy, Become Willing to Change, Become Committed for the Long Haul.*


In this post I want to look at "Become Willing to Change." For those that celebrate Advent, we know this is a time of preparation, hope, and expectation. A prominent figure in the first Advent was John the Baptist. John was "a voice of one calling in the desert, 'Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.'" (Matt. 3:3) It was his job to help the people prepare themselves for the coming of Christ. How were they to prepare? John's answer was, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near." (Matt. 3:2) Repent is not a word we use often today. In Greek this word is "metanoeo" which means to change one's mind or purpose.

The Kingdom was near because the King was near. With Christ coming into the world things were changing. God's people needed to change in light of the coming kingdom. Repentance is God's way of creating a favorable environment for His Spirit to work in our lives. Those that were committed to this type of change received John's baptism of repentance and prepared to live in the Light of the Kingdom of God.


What changes do our churches need to make to fulfill God's plan to look after orphans and widows in their distress? Remember this isn't some add-on. James says that if our religion (worship of God) is to be pure and undefiled we will do this. This may call some of us to radically realign our thinking, plans, purposes, and practices. Churches that are willing to change "will serve as an integral part of the visible Gospel being lived out in the lives of countless adoptive and foster families, all for the glory of God."**



* Monroe, Michael http://tapestry.irvingbible.org/index.php?id=1558 accessed February 6, 2010

** Ibid

Adoption Month Guest Blogger: Beth Jones

November is Adoption Month. To honor those who have followed God’s leading to adopt, our post features part of our friends’ story. Darin Jones is a medical device sales representative with Neomend, Inc. He enjoys running, music, and working around the small farm they live on in central Illinois. Elizabeth (Beth) Jones is currently a teacher at Crossroads High School in Tiskilwa, IL. She enjoys teaching, running, music, and playing board games. Together they compete in road races and triathlons. They have 3 teenage daughters and 2 adopted sons.

Another Kind of Marathon

IT'S A BOY...or to be more accurate...IT'S TWO BOYS!!!!

In early December of 2007 my husband, Darin, and I were each in our own vehicles driving to separate commitments. It was a Saturday morning. As is my habit when I'm driving I turned on the Christian radio station and the weekend top 20 countdown was on. After a few minutes they featured an interview with Steven Curtis Chapman. He was talking about a song titled "Crazy" on his new album. When the interviewer asked what inspired that song, Chapman replied that his house was a little crazy right now because he had 3 older boys and they had recently adopted 3 younger girls. I thought, "He must be crazy!" Then I felt a tug on my heart for orphaned children. I passed this off as early symptoms of "Empty Nest Syndrome" and thought nothing else about it for the rest of the day.

Later that evening my husband says to me, "I heard an interesting interview on the radio this morning..." I instantly knew what he was referring to even though he VERY RARELY turns on Christian radio preferring to listen to his own cd's or talk radio. We talked about adoption in general for a few minutes, mentioned that our stage in life with 3 teen age daughters was kind of nice because we had so much more time for ourselves, and didn't speak about it again for a couple of months.

During those couple of months which were very busy with Christmas, New Year's, etc the subject of adoption kept coming up from random places. We'd drive by a billboard on the highway, hear an ad on the radio, see an article in a magazine, read a passage in the Bible, even notice the "adopt-a-highway" signs along the road.

Then in February 2008 we received an email from Darin's aunt who lives in South Dakota. It told the story of how she had received a wrong number call on her cell phone a few days before. Being Norwegian, she struck up a conversation with this perfect stranger in Arizona. She asked the woman who she was trying to reach and why. The woman said that she was trying to contact a friend of hers to ask for prayer for a 10-year-old boy named Michael. This little boy had been adopted at the age of 3 and had formed no significant bonds with his adopted family and was up for adoption again. Darin's aunt promised to pray for Michael and spread the word to others that she knew would pray for him as well. As Darin and I read this our hearts were stirred. We weren't sure what we should do. We prayed about it and felt that we should get some more information. Maybe God planned to bring this boy into our family. So with shaky hands and a quivering voice I called the adoption agency just to inquire, no commitments. I spoke with a woman named Leslie who told me that there was already a family committed to adopting Michael, but they had other waiting children if we were interested. Were we interested? I wasn't sure. I told her that we might be, but that at this point we were only gathering information. She asked what country we would like to adopt from. I said that we had been on several missions trips to Central America and were captivated by the big brown eyes of those beautiful children. She told me that they had a program in Colombia and asked for other particulars. I told her that IF we adopted we would want brothers over the age of five. She took down all of our information and promised to call me back.

The next day I was on the train to downtown Chicago to spend the weekend with Darin at a trade convention he was working. She gave me the names and brief information of two brothers, ages 5 and 11 from Colombia. Tears came to my eyes as I started thinking about the possibility of adding these two little boys to our family. Tears are streaming down my face even now as I remember that conversation and how it started our adoption journey.

Beth

Darin, Beth, and their three daughters, Alexandra, Miranda, and Sydney, traveled to Colombia in May 2009
to bring home Mauricio and Miguel. To read the rest of their story, visit their blog at http://anotherkindofmarathon.blogspot.com/.

She's the One

Last month I wrote a blog post entitled “Puzzling.” In that post, I explained that our adoption agency denied our application after we had sunk over $4500 and five months of our life into the process. Emotionally, I was a wreck. I walked away.

After a few days of reprieve, the logical side of my brain kicked in. (Poor Don. I really don’t know how he handled this news or his whacko wife.) I wasn’t ready to move forward, but I needed to know how long our paperwork would be good and what our alternatives were (since adopting from Russia was out of the question).

Making the decision to adopt is the easiest part of the process. Once our options opened up, it became more confusing. Domestic vs. International. Asia, Africa, Europe or Latin America. I expended several weeks talking with friends who had adopted and researching different countries on the internet. Each had its own pros and cons. I considered cost, wait time, travel time, whether the children were in orphanages or foster care, what medical conditions each country dealt with, which countries had girls, which countries had toddlers, etc. I spent my days investigating and my evenings describing my findings to Don.

Late one evening, Don and I hovered over the desktop computer in our basement. Several hours into that evening’s quest, we were still debating which country to pursue. We typed in a search for Guatemalan orphans. A picture of the cutest girl, about three years old with pigtails, drinking out of a straw at a McDonald’s popped up. She was an absolute doll. I flatly stated, “That’s it - she’s the one,” promptly shut down the computer, and went to bed.

Don and I didn’t talk about adopting for a few days, but when I broached the subject again, we learned we had each been praying for that little girl. So I took a deep breath and called the adoption agency listed next to her picture. I was still a bit wary, but the Director helped me feel comfortable with her services. She read our home study and found nothing to prohibit us from adopting. I guess I finally asked about that little girl enough. She said to me on a Wednesday, “It sounds as if you are serious about her. Let me verify she is available for you to meet.” She called back Thursday and asked how quickly we could fly to Guatemala. We left Sunday. I didn’t sleep for three days.

Through all this, I blindly followed God. I put one cautious step in front of the other not knowing the final destination. Can you describe a time in your life in which you blindly followed God?

For His Glory,
Barb :-)

How Can the Church Help? Part 2: The Missional Church

For the church to help those who answer God's call to adoption, she must be missional. A missional church has been defined as "an authentic community of faith that primarily directs its ministry focus outward toward the context in which it is located and to the broader world beyond."*  Michael Monroe suggests "the term also clearly emphasizes a need to become intentional and focused in communicating and living out a message of hope and love."** Furthermore he adds, "Churches that are missional as it relates to adoption and foster care reach out to adoptive and foster families. They must determine to become intentional and focused about living out the heart of God for the orphan and loving and serving families who faithfully respond by adopting or fostering."** Adoption reflects God‘s heart and missional purposes in the world.  In James 1:27 we are told, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." With this being central to God's heart, adoption and orphan care is in the very DNA of the church.

As an expression of our DNA, the church must move from thinking of adoption and orphan care in terms of private callings of individuals to becoming an integral part of  the local church's mission, vision, and purposes. When we think of adoption as Christians we must not only think about individuals or individual families. This is sometimes an overall fault within the evangelical church. God has called the church as individuals and collectively to "Learn to do good; Seek justice, Reprove the ruthless, Defend the orphan, Plead for the widow"(Isaiah 1:17).  Jason Kovacs suggests, "All our orphan care and adoption efforts ought to be done as God's community (the church) on mission in this world by the power of the Holy Spirit. We cannot care for the fatherless as effectively alone as we can in community. We can do more for God's glory and the good of the fatherless as the body of Christ, with all its parts working and serving in the power of the Spirit, together".*** The church's attitude is reflected in the church's education, budget, and practices.  We are not all called to adopt, but we are all called to fulfill God's purposes.

If the church is going to fulfill its missional purpose in the world, it has to be a learning church. The church that is willing to learn is going to be more effective in reaching out to all types of families. Additionally, the church will better enable its own people to express their desires to be missional through adoption. Churches need to become educated on issues that face foster and adoptive parents. This begins by understanding our own adoption into the family of God.

What is your church doing to care for orphans?  What has been helpful to you?  What can we do differently or better?

By God's Grace,
Don




*Ronald Carlson http://www.nationalministries.org/missional_church/docs/MCT_Definition_Missional_Church.pdf.cfm
**http://tapestry.irvingbible.org/index.php?id=1558
***Jason Kovacs, Glorifying the Father of the Fatherless: How Families Can Change the World for the Glory of God and the Good of Orphans. Together For adoption e-book. 18

One Less

I was planning on posting part two of my last blog today until I came across this video. Thank you Kirsten and Diana.

Because of Christ,
Don

One Less by Matthew West (The Story Behind The Song) from emicmg on Vimeo.

Below is a video of West's song. Someone added pictures to tell his/her story.

How Can the Church Help? Part 1

In a 2002 nationwide survey commissioned by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption reported that “When asked ‘where would you turn for information or advice about how to adopt,’ 52% of married couples indicated they would turn to their local church.” While churches were viewed as good sources before adoption, “The same survey showed that post adoption people were nearly twice as likely to turn to their local bookstore (20.5%) as they were to their pastor or local church (11%) for support or help in dealing with post-adoption issues.”* The explanation for this discrepancy is that high percentage did not feel as though the church was helpful to their needs. In fact, they did not see the church as a “safe place” for their families. Ministry leader Michael Monroe put it this way:

I believe that adoptive and foster families are making it clear – they are saying that far too often our local churches are not “safe” places for them – or at least not as “safe” as they can and should be. The unavoidable reality is that many families have responded in faith by pursuing adoption or foster care, sometimes against all odds and in the face of significant and daunting challenges. Simply put, these families have refused to “play it safe.” They’ve said “Yes!” to the lifelong journey of adoption or foster care . . . and I believe that our churches must in turn discover how to honor these responses of faith, obedience and courage by becoming communities that openly welcome, truly understand and fully embrace adoptive and foster families.*

Monroe suggested that the church must do five things in order to become safe places for adoptive families: Become Missional, Become Open and Willing to Learn, Become Honest and Prepared to Get Messy, Become Willing to Change, Become Committed for the Long Haul.

For those of you who have adopted or are seeking to adopt:  How has your local church family supported you?  What do you wish church leaders knew about adoption?

*Monroe, Michael http://tapestry.irvingbible.org/index.php?id=1558  accessed February 6, 2010

Puzzling

Just as I began to warm up to the idea of adopting, we received the first of many blows.

When adopting, there are two major phases of paperwork. The first is the home study (which must be in-state). The second is through the adoption agency which will match you with a child. There are various stages within each phase, but I will spare you the details (of which I don’t remember now anyway). It is not necessary to have two agencies, but we did because the adoption agency we chose was out-of-state. However, we worked with both from the beginning (Sept. 2005). We completed the requirements for the out-of-state agency. We submitted mounds of paperwork (remember the six page checklist from my previous post), read books, sent income statements, and spoke with a representative several times. However, they could not officially approve us until the home study was complete. But, by this point, I figured that was a technicality.

I was wrong! Our home study was finished in Jan. 2006, and in Feb. the out-of-state agency denied us for financial reasons. Baffled does not describe how we felt. The incident was strange and unsettling. We knew their requirements and easily met them. Three phone calls later, I was still clueless. They would not budge.

Why bring this up? One, you may be able to relate somehow to this story, if not through adopting, then some other odd occurrence in your lifetime. Two, because that’s the way life is sometimes. Unexplainable. Puzzling. Bizarre. But, then, I suppose if we could explain everything we wouldn’t need faith. And this brought us to our knees.

We began to question the initial call to adopt. Had we heard God correctly? Or could I use this as an excuse to escape? (Yes, a tiny part of me hoped God had just been testing us and was now relieving us of the responsibility.) We had lots of questions and no answers. It was as if we were attempting to put a puzzle together without all of the pieces. After a few days, I threw my hands up in surrender. Lord, I don’t understand. I don’t think I ever will. But, I know that you are bigger than all of this and you are in control. I trust you.

With that, I decided to take an emotional break – and walked away.

Have you ever been in circumstances that required you to blindly trust God?
Can you relate to the need for an emotional break from a troubling situation?

For His Glory!
Barb

I Love Adoption

I recently clicked on the “like” button for a Facebook group called “I Love Adoption.” I have discovered that several of the other members do not love adoption. In fact they loathe adoption. Most of these women had a negative adoption experience. Throughout the page these ladies mock and ridicule those who believe that adoption is a good thing. I know this from a first-hand experience of being mocked. To their defense, I will say some of their arguments point out legitimate and sometimes horrific failures of systems and people. Additionally, they remind us that the adopted child has often faced incredible losses and pain in life. Dr. Sherrie Eldridge, herself an adopted child and now a psychologist working in the field, has written:

As with most everything in life, adoption has positive and negative elements. None of us wants to acknowledge the negative, painful side-that is, loss. But the truth is, the very act of adoption is built upon loss. For the birth parents, the loss of their biological offspring, the relationship that could have been, a very part of themselves. For the adoptive parents, the loss of giving birth to a biological child, the child whose face will never mirror theirs. And for the adopted child, the loss of the birth parents, the earliest experience of belonging and acceptance. To deny adoption loss is to deny the emotional reality of everyone involved.[1]

How can I love adoption? Sin is the cause of pain and loss, not adoption. I am not suggesting there are certain people who are more sinful than others. What I am suggesting is that when sin entered into the world it affected the entire created order. We live in a fallen world. In a fallen world we have sin, death, and separation. Sin wages war against the very fabric of community. The family is just another casualty of this unrelenting enemy. When these ladies stand against sin they are in agreement with God. God is for truth and justice. God is for families staying together. But, God is also a master of bringing hope when it appears hope is gone. Sometimes God brings hope through adoption. I love adoption like I love redemption. Redemption is not necessary in a perfect world. I hate the sin in my life and in the world that made God’s loving redemption my only hope. But, I love God and His redemption. And I Love Adoption.

Because of Christ, Don


1.Eldridge, Sherrie Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wished Their Adopted Parents Knew (NY Dell Publishing, 1999), 4-5

Drowning in Paperwork

One of the purposes of our blog is to talk about real every day issues surrounding adopting. One of those issues is paperwork. For two and one-half years it felt as if the nitty-gritty details of trying to bring home our child was a full-time job. I spent many hours, sometimes daily, trying to find the right information to put in the right blank to avoid the hassle of extra work or delays. I repeatedly wondered why anyone would put themselves through this grueling task just to abuse the child he/she worked so hard to bring home. (This thought was partly prompted by the news headlines highlighting so many horrible adoption stories.)

As soon as Don came home from Russia with the news God said, “Adopt,” I got busy. I figured the sooner we started, the sooner we could move on with it. I still wasn’t fond of the idea, but was resigned to the fact that it was going to happen. I don’t mean to sound callous, but my fear was more tangible than my faith. And the more I read, the more fearful I became.

Without going into lots of boring details on “how to” adopt, I’ll tell you that because the original adoption agency we chose was out-of-state, we also needed an in-state agency to complete our home study. Between the two, we were required to complete numerous applications and read several books, as well as attend seminars and interviews. One six-page document asked which physical and/or mental disease or problems we would accept in a child. It presented a checklist. Club feet, yes or no. Cleft palate, yes or no. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, yes or no. Six pages! I scheduled an appointment with our physician just to find out what many of the terms listed on those pages meant. He may have wondered why this crazy lady with the deer-in-the-headlights look on her face ever considered this venture. It was apparent I was in over my head.

And, that’s exactly how I perceived myself - drowning without a life preserver. With each seminar I attended and each book I read, I felt less and less adequate. Add to that the guilt associated with picking and choosing what type of child we would accept. The weight of that decision was heavy. This was a privilege most aren’t offered and I didn’t want to “throw out” a child God intended us to parent. So, we prayed and we said “yes” to each illness or negative situation we felt God would equip us for. And, for each “no” checked, I prayed someone else would check “yes.”

Thankfully, the rest of our home life was running smoothly. When I lifted my head out of the water to look around, it was reassuring to see my two sixth graders keeping up with their school work and my preschooler doing well. But, I still couldn’t quite see how a little girl would fit into the equation. I tried to wrap my mind around having another child in our home. I tried to visualize a daughter. A girl! I began to walk around the house wondering where she would sleep and where we would put her toys, etc.


Then one day, it happened. I was walking down the street holding Kenneth’s hand and I stuck out my other hand for . . . My heart sunk. Someone was missing. I realized it was my daughter. I was trying to grab her hand, but she wasn’t there . . . yet. However, hope emerged. The fear still existed, but there was a glimmer of hope.

For His Glory!
Barb

A Name and a Promise (Part 3 of 3): Guest Blogger Diana DePriest

It was 4 am on a Monday morning that I was awakened out of sleep to a ringing phone. The baby wasn’t due for another week, and we were still waiting on the DOJ to straighten out the fingerprint issue. As I aroused to consciousness I remember uttering, “No, no, no, it’s too soon, we’re not ready!” But it didn’t matter that we weren’t ready, G’s water had broken and there was no putting it off, Ethan was on his way.

I spent that day making arrangements. I had to get flights for Neal and I to Shawnee where E was to be born. We had to pack Jake and get him ready for Grandma’s house. I wasn’t even out of my pajamas yet when the phone rang again just after noon pacific time. The baby was here, it was a boy! Ethan was born.


Jake home on a school holiday was the first person I told, we danced and shouted and celebrated he was a big brother. Neal came home and we headed off on to the airport. After we landed we got a rental car and drove more than an hour to the hospital. We made it to the hospital just around midnight.


Ethan had a few health problems at birth, a couple of deformities we were made aware of that first night. And he had a skin condition that had the hospital staff on edge. I will tell you the truth, when we saw him for the first time that night he was a little bit of a mess. G was frightened with his challenges we might change our minds. To be honest the thought never ever crossed our minds. God had brought him to us, God had given us his name. Who were we to question the process?


The hospital was so accommodating, they settled Neal and I into a private room with the baby who hadn’t even bothered to wake to greet us. Exhausted from the long day Neal and I each lay down in separate hospital beds and fell fast asleep. It was some time later that I was awakened by the most pitiful little cry. Fumbling in the dark I made my way over to him and lifted him in my arms. It was the moment the crime was committed. Right then and there Ethan stole my heart. Broken, beat up and needy, and I would have done anything for him. He was my son, and I was in love.
“Hello Ethan,” I told him, “I love you.’ And I surely did. It was that love, and my faith in my God that would lead me through the next three years. I didn’t know it at the time but the road ahead of us was long and difficult. But before the journey began, there I met my most precious traveling companion, and he had met me, his mom.


Diana DePriest is wife for nearly 20 years to Neal, and mom to Jacob, 16, Ethan, 9, and Victoria, 8. Since giving her life to Christ in 1992, she has served in various ministries, including pro-life, post-abortion, women’s and youth ministries. With a passion for the Lord and her gift in writing she has been an avid blogger since 2008 when she felt the Lord called her to it as a new avenue of ministry. She writes regularly about her faith (http://dianalovestowrite.blogspot.com/) and her family (http://depriestdays.blogspot.com/)

A Name and a Promise (Part 2 of 3): Guest Blogger Diana DePriest

We started talking about names for our unborn baby. I learned a long time ago, that biblically speaking the meaning of names was very important. Since I had somewhat failed in naming my firstborn “the deceiver” because I wasn’t aware of it, I didn’t want to leave my second child in the lurch too. (No worries about our oldest, his middle name means “God is my Judge” so in the big picture, it all panned out.)
We quickly decided that if the baby was a girl, we would name her after my cousin, who has a beautiful name that she’s never used. She’s gone by a cute nickname since she was in the bassinet and although I am not a huge fan of naming people after family members (I am named after two, and the one I share my first name with always seemed sort of annoyed about it.) But for an adopted child I thought it might be nice to bestow a family name. But I wanted to make sure it had a good meaning as well.

I always knew I liked the name “Elijah” if I had another boy, but I had no idea what it meant. So I sat down at my desk at work and brought up a website on baby names. As I clicked through links, finally a page of boy names starting with the letter “E” began to scroll down the page. As I skimmed the column on the left, a name on the right jumped out at me. Now, this may sound a little unbelievable, but “jumped out” is actually sort of an understatement. In my memory it was more like it floated out into 3-D with neon arrows pointing at it from every direction. Truth be told I had never heard the name before and I sat at my desk and read it out loud.

“Ethan.” I said.

And then, “Ethan Mitchell DePriest.” It flowed off my tongue like it was meant to be. In the moment that I said it, I knew the baby we were waiting for was a baby, and I knew that was his name. It was one of those supernatural moments. God was with me and speaking and I had heard Him, so I ran downstairs to tell Neal.

“Honey,” I said, “the Lord just gave me the baby’s name. It’s Ethan Mitchell, I know he’s going to be a boy.”

Neal true to form looked at me and smiled, “OK,” he said, because he never really questioned me when I told him I felt I had heard from God. “What does it mean?”

And that was the really cool part, on the page that I first saw the name, the definition was listed as “Permanent.” How cool is that? Our adopted son, permanently ours. And Mitchell, my grandmother’s maiden name, a family name for our adopted child means, “Who is like God.” I loved it! Still do.

A couple nights later I got my regular call from G. That night she wanted to talk about baby names, she was curious if we had made any decisions. Knowing her faith and her understanding of God was different than ours, I didn’t want to freak her out by telling her God had given me the baby’s name and that I already knew it was a boy.

So I told her the choice for the girl name (Adriana Yvonne, in case you’re wondering.) And she told me it was pretty. Then I told her the boy name, “Ethan Mitchell.” After I said the name G got really quiet on the other end of the phone. Really quiet, uncomfortably quiet. Finally, I asked her, “Do you hate it?” And then I held my breath.

Her answer came slowly, “No,” she said, “I don’t hate it at all, if I had kept him, I was going to name him Ethan Michael.”

I felt the Holy Spirit fall. It was absolute confirmation. As it happens, Mitchell and Michael mean the same thing and come from the same root. God had put this little boys name in both our hearts.

“Permanent.” I didn’t know it at the time, but it was more than an encouragement, it was a promise. It was a promise we would hold to for more than the next three years. It would be my prayer more times than I care to recall, “Lord, You gave me his name, You told me he was permanent.”



Diana DePriest is wife for nearly 20 years to Neal, and mom to Jacob, 16, Ethan, 9, and Victoria, 8. Since giving her life to Christ in 1992, she has served in various ministries, including pro-life, post-abortion, women’s and youth ministries. With a passion for the Lord and her gift in writing she has been an avid blogger since 2008 when she felt the Lord called her to it as a new avenue of ministry. She writes regularly about her faith (http://dianalovestowrite.blogspot.com/) and her family (http://depriestdays.blogspot.com/)