How Can the Church Help? Part 3: Willing to Change.

This is a continuation of a post I started in September entitled "How Can the Church Help?"

I believe that Michael Monroe is correct in his assertion that the church must do five things in order to become safe places for adoptive families: Become Missional, Become Open and Willing to Learn, Become Honest and Prepared to Get Messy, Become Willing to Change, Become Committed for the Long Haul.*


In this post I want to look at "Become Willing to Change." For those that celebrate Advent, we know this is a time of preparation, hope, and expectation. A prominent figure in the first Advent was John the Baptist. John was "a voice of one calling in the desert, 'Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.'" (Matt. 3:3) It was his job to help the people prepare themselves for the coming of Christ. How were they to prepare? John's answer was, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near." (Matt. 3:2) Repent is not a word we use often today. In Greek this word is "metanoeo" which means to change one's mind or purpose.

The Kingdom was near because the King was near. With Christ coming into the world things were changing. God's people needed to change in light of the coming kingdom. Repentance is God's way of creating a favorable environment for His Spirit to work in our lives. Those that were committed to this type of change received John's baptism of repentance and prepared to live in the Light of the Kingdom of God.


What changes do our churches need to make to fulfill God's plan to look after orphans and widows in their distress? Remember this isn't some add-on. James says that if our religion (worship of God) is to be pure and undefiled we will do this. This may call some of us to radically realign our thinking, plans, purposes, and practices. Churches that are willing to change "will serve as an integral part of the visible Gospel being lived out in the lives of countless adoptive and foster families, all for the glory of God."**



* Monroe, Michael http://tapestry.irvingbible.org/index.php?id=1558 accessed February 6, 2010

** Ibid

Adoption Month Guest Blogger: Beth Jones

November is Adoption Month. To honor those who have followed God’s leading to adopt, our post features part of our friends’ story. Darin Jones is a medical device sales representative with Neomend, Inc. He enjoys running, music, and working around the small farm they live on in central Illinois. Elizabeth (Beth) Jones is currently a teacher at Crossroads High School in Tiskilwa, IL. She enjoys teaching, running, music, and playing board games. Together they compete in road races and triathlons. They have 3 teenage daughters and 2 adopted sons.

Another Kind of Marathon

IT'S A BOY...or to be more accurate...IT'S TWO BOYS!!!!

In early December of 2007 my husband, Darin, and I were each in our own vehicles driving to separate commitments. It was a Saturday morning. As is my habit when I'm driving I turned on the Christian radio station and the weekend top 20 countdown was on. After a few minutes they featured an interview with Steven Curtis Chapman. He was talking about a song titled "Crazy" on his new album. When the interviewer asked what inspired that song, Chapman replied that his house was a little crazy right now because he had 3 older boys and they had recently adopted 3 younger girls. I thought, "He must be crazy!" Then I felt a tug on my heart for orphaned children. I passed this off as early symptoms of "Empty Nest Syndrome" and thought nothing else about it for the rest of the day.

Later that evening my husband says to me, "I heard an interesting interview on the radio this morning..." I instantly knew what he was referring to even though he VERY RARELY turns on Christian radio preferring to listen to his own cd's or talk radio. We talked about adoption in general for a few minutes, mentioned that our stage in life with 3 teen age daughters was kind of nice because we had so much more time for ourselves, and didn't speak about it again for a couple of months.

During those couple of months which were very busy with Christmas, New Year's, etc the subject of adoption kept coming up from random places. We'd drive by a billboard on the highway, hear an ad on the radio, see an article in a magazine, read a passage in the Bible, even notice the "adopt-a-highway" signs along the road.

Then in February 2008 we received an email from Darin's aunt who lives in South Dakota. It told the story of how she had received a wrong number call on her cell phone a few days before. Being Norwegian, she struck up a conversation with this perfect stranger in Arizona. She asked the woman who she was trying to reach and why. The woman said that she was trying to contact a friend of hers to ask for prayer for a 10-year-old boy named Michael. This little boy had been adopted at the age of 3 and had formed no significant bonds with his adopted family and was up for adoption again. Darin's aunt promised to pray for Michael and spread the word to others that she knew would pray for him as well. As Darin and I read this our hearts were stirred. We weren't sure what we should do. We prayed about it and felt that we should get some more information. Maybe God planned to bring this boy into our family. So with shaky hands and a quivering voice I called the adoption agency just to inquire, no commitments. I spoke with a woman named Leslie who told me that there was already a family committed to adopting Michael, but they had other waiting children if we were interested. Were we interested? I wasn't sure. I told her that we might be, but that at this point we were only gathering information. She asked what country we would like to adopt from. I said that we had been on several missions trips to Central America and were captivated by the big brown eyes of those beautiful children. She told me that they had a program in Colombia and asked for other particulars. I told her that IF we adopted we would want brothers over the age of five. She took down all of our information and promised to call me back.

The next day I was on the train to downtown Chicago to spend the weekend with Darin at a trade convention he was working. She gave me the names and brief information of two brothers, ages 5 and 11 from Colombia. Tears came to my eyes as I started thinking about the possibility of adding these two little boys to our family. Tears are streaming down my face even now as I remember that conversation and how it started our adoption journey.

Beth

Darin, Beth, and their three daughters, Alexandra, Miranda, and Sydney, traveled to Colombia in May 2009
to bring home Mauricio and Miguel. To read the rest of their story, visit their blog at http://anotherkindofmarathon.blogspot.com/.

She's the One

Last month I wrote a blog post entitled “Puzzling.” In that post, I explained that our adoption agency denied our application after we had sunk over $4500 and five months of our life into the process. Emotionally, I was a wreck. I walked away.

After a few days of reprieve, the logical side of my brain kicked in. (Poor Don. I really don’t know how he handled this news or his whacko wife.) I wasn’t ready to move forward, but I needed to know how long our paperwork would be good and what our alternatives were (since adopting from Russia was out of the question).

Making the decision to adopt is the easiest part of the process. Once our options opened up, it became more confusing. Domestic vs. International. Asia, Africa, Europe or Latin America. I expended several weeks talking with friends who had adopted and researching different countries on the internet. Each had its own pros and cons. I considered cost, wait time, travel time, whether the children were in orphanages or foster care, what medical conditions each country dealt with, which countries had girls, which countries had toddlers, etc. I spent my days investigating and my evenings describing my findings to Don.

Late one evening, Don and I hovered over the desktop computer in our basement. Several hours into that evening’s quest, we were still debating which country to pursue. We typed in a search for Guatemalan orphans. A picture of the cutest girl, about three years old with pigtails, drinking out of a straw at a McDonald’s popped up. She was an absolute doll. I flatly stated, “That’s it - she’s the one,” promptly shut down the computer, and went to bed.

Don and I didn’t talk about adopting for a few days, but when I broached the subject again, we learned we had each been praying for that little girl. So I took a deep breath and called the adoption agency listed next to her picture. I was still a bit wary, but the Director helped me feel comfortable with her services. She read our home study and found nothing to prohibit us from adopting. I guess I finally asked about that little girl enough. She said to me on a Wednesday, “It sounds as if you are serious about her. Let me verify she is available for you to meet.” She called back Thursday and asked how quickly we could fly to Guatemala. We left Sunday. I didn’t sleep for three days.

Through all this, I blindly followed God. I put one cautious step in front of the other not knowing the final destination. Can you describe a time in your life in which you blindly followed God?

For His Glory,
Barb :-)

How Can the Church Help? Part 2: The Missional Church

For the church to help those who answer God's call to adoption, she must be missional. A missional church has been defined as "an authentic community of faith that primarily directs its ministry focus outward toward the context in which it is located and to the broader world beyond."*  Michael Monroe suggests "the term also clearly emphasizes a need to become intentional and focused in communicating and living out a message of hope and love."** Furthermore he adds, "Churches that are missional as it relates to adoption and foster care reach out to adoptive and foster families. They must determine to become intentional and focused about living out the heart of God for the orphan and loving and serving families who faithfully respond by adopting or fostering."** Adoption reflects God‘s heart and missional purposes in the world.  In James 1:27 we are told, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." With this being central to God's heart, adoption and orphan care is in the very DNA of the church.

As an expression of our DNA, the church must move from thinking of adoption and orphan care in terms of private callings of individuals to becoming an integral part of  the local church's mission, vision, and purposes. When we think of adoption as Christians we must not only think about individuals or individual families. This is sometimes an overall fault within the evangelical church. God has called the church as individuals and collectively to "Learn to do good; Seek justice, Reprove the ruthless, Defend the orphan, Plead for the widow"(Isaiah 1:17).  Jason Kovacs suggests, "All our orphan care and adoption efforts ought to be done as God's community (the church) on mission in this world by the power of the Holy Spirit. We cannot care for the fatherless as effectively alone as we can in community. We can do more for God's glory and the good of the fatherless as the body of Christ, with all its parts working and serving in the power of the Spirit, together".*** The church's attitude is reflected in the church's education, budget, and practices.  We are not all called to adopt, but we are all called to fulfill God's purposes.

If the church is going to fulfill its missional purpose in the world, it has to be a learning church. The church that is willing to learn is going to be more effective in reaching out to all types of families. Additionally, the church will better enable its own people to express their desires to be missional through adoption. Churches need to become educated on issues that face foster and adoptive parents. This begins by understanding our own adoption into the family of God.

What is your church doing to care for orphans?  What has been helpful to you?  What can we do differently or better?

By God's Grace,
Don




*Ronald Carlson http://www.nationalministries.org/missional_church/docs/MCT_Definition_Missional_Church.pdf.cfm
**http://tapestry.irvingbible.org/index.php?id=1558
***Jason Kovacs, Glorifying the Father of the Fatherless: How Families Can Change the World for the Glory of God and the Good of Orphans. Together For adoption e-book. 18

One Less

I was planning on posting part two of my last blog today until I came across this video. Thank you Kirsten and Diana.

Because of Christ,
Don

One Less by Matthew West (The Story Behind The Song) from emicmg on Vimeo.

Below is a video of West's song. Someone added pictures to tell his/her story.

How Can the Church Help? Part 1

In a 2002 nationwide survey commissioned by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption reported that “When asked ‘where would you turn for information or advice about how to adopt,’ 52% of married couples indicated they would turn to their local church.” While churches were viewed as good sources before adoption, “The same survey showed that post adoption people were nearly twice as likely to turn to their local bookstore (20.5%) as they were to their pastor or local church (11%) for support or help in dealing with post-adoption issues.”* The explanation for this discrepancy is that high percentage did not feel as though the church was helpful to their needs. In fact, they did not see the church as a “safe place” for their families. Ministry leader Michael Monroe put it this way:

I believe that adoptive and foster families are making it clear – they are saying that far too often our local churches are not “safe” places for them – or at least not as “safe” as they can and should be. The unavoidable reality is that many families have responded in faith by pursuing adoption or foster care, sometimes against all odds and in the face of significant and daunting challenges. Simply put, these families have refused to “play it safe.” They’ve said “Yes!” to the lifelong journey of adoption or foster care . . . and I believe that our churches must in turn discover how to honor these responses of faith, obedience and courage by becoming communities that openly welcome, truly understand and fully embrace adoptive and foster families.*

Monroe suggested that the church must do five things in order to become safe places for adoptive families: Become Missional, Become Open and Willing to Learn, Become Honest and Prepared to Get Messy, Become Willing to Change, Become Committed for the Long Haul.

For those of you who have adopted or are seeking to adopt:  How has your local church family supported you?  What do you wish church leaders knew about adoption?

*Monroe, Michael http://tapestry.irvingbible.org/index.php?id=1558  accessed February 6, 2010

Puzzling

Just as I began to warm up to the idea of adopting, we received the first of many blows.

When adopting, there are two major phases of paperwork. The first is the home study (which must be in-state). The second is through the adoption agency which will match you with a child. There are various stages within each phase, but I will spare you the details (of which I don’t remember now anyway). It is not necessary to have two agencies, but we did because the adoption agency we chose was out-of-state. However, we worked with both from the beginning (Sept. 2005). We completed the requirements for the out-of-state agency. We submitted mounds of paperwork (remember the six page checklist from my previous post), read books, sent income statements, and spoke with a representative several times. However, they could not officially approve us until the home study was complete. But, by this point, I figured that was a technicality.

I was wrong! Our home study was finished in Jan. 2006, and in Feb. the out-of-state agency denied us for financial reasons. Baffled does not describe how we felt. The incident was strange and unsettling. We knew their requirements and easily met them. Three phone calls later, I was still clueless. They would not budge.

Why bring this up? One, you may be able to relate somehow to this story, if not through adopting, then some other odd occurrence in your lifetime. Two, because that’s the way life is sometimes. Unexplainable. Puzzling. Bizarre. But, then, I suppose if we could explain everything we wouldn’t need faith. And this brought us to our knees.

We began to question the initial call to adopt. Had we heard God correctly? Or could I use this as an excuse to escape? (Yes, a tiny part of me hoped God had just been testing us and was now relieving us of the responsibility.) We had lots of questions and no answers. It was as if we were attempting to put a puzzle together without all of the pieces. After a few days, I threw my hands up in surrender. Lord, I don’t understand. I don’t think I ever will. But, I know that you are bigger than all of this and you are in control. I trust you.

With that, I decided to take an emotional break – and walked away.

Have you ever been in circumstances that required you to blindly trust God?
Can you relate to the need for an emotional break from a troubling situation?

For His Glory!
Barb