Sunday, September 5, 2010


Just as I began to warm up to the idea of adopting, we received the first of many blows.

When adopting, there are two major phases of paperwork. The first is the home study (which must be in-state). The second is through the adoption agency which will match you with a child. There are various stages within each phase, but I will spare you the details (of which I don’t remember now anyway). It is not necessary to have two agencies, but we did because the adoption agency we chose was out-of-state. However, we worked with both from the beginning (Sept. 2005). We completed the requirements for the out-of-state agency. We submitted mounds of paperwork (remember the six page checklist from my previous post), read books, sent income statements, and spoke with a representative several times. However, they could not officially approve us until the home study was complete. But, by this point, I figured that was a technicality.

I was wrong! Our home study was finished in Jan. 2006, and in Feb. the out-of-state agency denied us for financial reasons. Baffled does not describe how we felt. The incident was strange and unsettling. We knew their requirements and easily met them. Three phone calls later, I was still clueless. They would not budge.

Why bring this up? One, you may be able to relate somehow to this story, if not through adopting, then some other odd occurrence in your lifetime. Two, because that’s the way life is sometimes. Unexplainable. Puzzling. Bizarre. But, then, I suppose if we could explain everything we wouldn’t need faith. And this brought us to our knees.

We began to question the initial call to adopt. Had we heard God correctly? Or could I use this as an excuse to escape? (Yes, a tiny part of me hoped God had just been testing us and was now relieving us of the responsibility.) We had lots of questions and no answers. It was as if we were attempting to put a puzzle together without all of the pieces. After a few days, I threw my hands up in surrender. Lord, I don’t understand. I don’t think I ever will. But, I know that you are bigger than all of this and you are in control. I trust you.

With that, I decided to take an emotional break – and walked away.

Have you ever been in circumstances that required you to blindly trust God?
Can you relate to the need for an emotional break from a troubling situation?

For His Glory!


  1. Dear Barb, I have so felt and am fact feeling a time in this season of sickness and stress where I really just want to throw my hands up and scream "enough!" I love your prayer "Lord, I don’t understand. I don’t think I ever will. But, I know that you are bigger than all of this and you are in control. I trust you.
    Such an encouragement today when I feel overwhelmed, Thank you sweet sister,
    May you feel and see God's blessings in your day today,

  2. Carolyn - Thanks for your candidness. Praying for you in your circumstances.

    Barb :-)